2010's Top 5 Most Annoying Public Figures

You know, I tried to write something funny about Chelsea Handler. But when it comes to someone as lame as her it’s really just an exercise in futility.

For some reason women think that Handler is a beacon of liberation. That a woman can be just as unapologetic about whoring around as a man. But the truth is, only women that are of sub-par attractiveness take on that type of behavior. They have to if they ever want to get laid.

And while some see Handler as the model for women making a stand in a man’s world, she wasn’t beneath (quite literally) getting to the top by the beaten down path of fucking her way there.

Chelsea is the type of girl you’d find at a party. You know the one; Obnoxious, loud-mouthed, doing keg stands and saying shit that would make a trucker blush. All this is good fun if you’re looking for a quick (and sloppy) lay with zero effort put into it on your part. But after that sexual transaction is finished, all you really want that bitch to do is shut the fuck up.

And here is where Handler becomes truly annoying. She doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up.

After Handler was allowed to spend a weekend with the lonely, frigid, one-dimensional A-list actress Jennifer Aniston, Chelsea thought it was a good idea to publicly bash the woman that “stole” Anniston’s husband away 5 years ago.

Apparently Chelsea thought that using her mouth for anything other than a blow-job was a good idea. But unfortunately, when she doesn’t have her team of writers making up her material, she’s not funny, or relevant, or even newsworthy. Not to mention that Anniston herself was pissed that Handler decided to weigh in on an event that took place at a time when Chelsea was still giving out hand-jobs in rest stops on the way to Vegas.

But in an effort to keep things balanced, here's the accomplishments of Jolie on film. And here's Handler’s accomplishments on film. Here is what Jolie does to contribute to the world. And here, here & here are Handler’s contributions to society.

Now I’ve never regarded myself as an intellectual person or even a man of common and rational sense. But somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, Handler shooting her cock holster off about Jolie seems as ill fated and pointless as someone sitting down to watch Handler’s sex tape.

With Chelsea Handler, you can almost feel her desperation of trying too hard. And that's why she's one of 2010's top 5 most annoying public figures. Although I'm sure she would refer to herself as a pubic figure because she's so witty and dangerous. Oh Chelsea, you really are a card...the type of card that says the virus is untreatable.

The 5 Most Annoying Public Figures of 2010

Kim Kardashian is perhaps even more annoying than Paris Hilton for the mere fact that Kardashian had to borrow the lame playbook Hilton wrote on how to be famous without having any actual talent instead of contriving her own self serving ideas. So, Kardashian made a sex tape and sold it through a “third party” then turned around and sued the very buyers that gave her money in the first place.

Her shameless lust / self entitlement for money is nothing new, after all, before she was letting Brandy’s brother Ray J pee all over her, she was a “stylist” for that family. Brandy’s mom entrusted Kim with a credit card to use for specified and approved purchases only. Kim, along with her sisters, decided to use the card as their own personal shopping account instead.

But Kim’s class and social upper echelon sensibilities don’t stop at petty thievery. Kim's father was on the “dream team” that helped O.J. get away with murder. Still, not one to miss a photo opportunity, Kim saw fit to show up at a Nichole Brown Simpson charity because she’s a socialite with class.

In a bogus attempt to feign philanthropy, Kim partook in the Twitter Dead Celebrity fund raiser that had celebs vow to stay off their twittering until a million dollars was raised for children with AIDS.

But beings that Kim is paid up to 10 grand by advertisers to send out tweets from her account, she, along with a few other insincere stars, asked a billionaire to donate the money that was needed to meet the requirements of the charity so she could get back to making money via Twitter.

With Kim’s dealings in money, specifically how it trumps everything else, it’s no surprise that she thought she would be the ideal spokesperson to teenagers on how to budget their finances. I guess the public school system already has a course that teaches kids how to be urinated on while the camera is rolling.

So this year, Kim came out with the Kardashian credit card. Can you guess what this card does that others don’t do? Well if you thought it was anything other than help put money into Kim’s bank account then friend, you’re probably the only person that disagreed with me in the third paragraph of this article about O.J. being guilty.

And if that’s the case, you’re stupid enough to sign up for one of these cards and argue with me that Kim Kardashian isn’t one of the top 5 most annoying public figures of 2010.