Wow dude you weren’t full of shit, these girls are beautiful.
Told you. And I’ve already found who I want.
So soon?
It’s the Viagra. At this point in time, my dick is making all the decisions.
Well at least the more alert one of you two is making the decisions. What could possibly go wrong?
I’ll see you in a half hour.
Now YOU’RE leaving me too?
Drink some beers, they’re only 2 bucks, just relax and enjoy the show.
Do they offer donkey shows here? Because I’d hate to be forced to see something so bizarre on such a large scale, quite literally.
No, no such thing exists.
Really? I thought it was a Mexican past time or sport or at least something depicted on their currency.
I’ve tried to find them. As mythical as the Loch Ness Monster. See you in 30.
20 minutes later…
You’re back 10 minutes early.
I know, the little bell boy bastard came knocking on the door saying the time was up. Totally jewed me out of my Mexican experience.
Why would a brothel-
Hotel.
Sure. Why does a hotel have a bell boy knocking on the doors…at any given time?
It’s a sham to get the girls out of the room quicker so they can get back to the club and get another customer and so on and so fourth. Total blue baller to my nuts and my wallet. And on top of that, I still had to tip him.
For what?
Giving me a towel.
You don’t look like you took a shower.
It’s for the girl, to clean herself afterwards.
Then why are you tipping him for her cleanliness?
Fuck if I know, man. It’s just the way things are. I told you this place was backwards.
I thought the prostitution industry was one of the few honest trades down here.
It is, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exploit the consumer.
So wouldn’t you say it’s all cyclical?
Why would a bike have anything to do with this?
Cyclical. As in it all comes around full circle. The Americans come down to exploit the girls and the bell boys come out and exploit the Americans.
Okay, first off, I’m not exploiting anyone. I’m merely doing my part to contribute to this country’s fledgling economy, help some girl pay her rent and make her feel validated. As far as I’m concerned, the fucking bell boy is infringing on all the good that I’m trying to do humanitarian, fiscally, socially and emotionally wise. You try to help people and all they want to do is fuck you.
While you’re fucking them, until you’re time is up.
See any girl that you like?
I like ‘em all.
Are you going to pick one?
I like my integrity more. And that’s not to diss you in anyway. I totally understand your mindset, I just don’t share it.
Yet. Have a few more drinks, things will start to make sense.
How’s that?
Just wait and see.
Hey guys.
Dale, how was the orgy?
Eh.
Eh?
There were only a few girls, had to kinda wait around in between blow jobs and fucking them...with a bunch of other dudes.
Yeah I would suppose those things don’t run as smoothly as seen on TV. Dicks flopping everywhere, girl pulling pubic hair out of her mouth mid oral copulation. Sounds more like an infuriating 20 cock pile up on the freeway of sexuality as opposed to some type of mind blowing sexual liberation in the fast lane, or carpool lane in your case.
You guys get laid yet?
I did. This guy on the other hand…
What’s your issue?
I’m just not feelin’ it. It all seems so…impersonal.
Impersonal? What’s more personal then getting naked and having sex with someone?
Sharing my hopes and fears with them post coital bliss. How can I do that when they don’t speak English?
Dude, there’s men’s clubs down here too.
I thought this was a men’s club.
I’m talking to go get men to have sex with.
I’m not gay.
Well ya sure fucking sound like it. BUT, I’ve got something else planned for us, might make you feel a little more…relaxed. Let’s go.
Where?
Yeah, Dale, where?
Hotel.
There’s one next door-
No not one to fuck in, to get for the night.
We’re staying here, like, until tomorrow?
Yeah. I told you I had our whole trip planned.
But-
Hotel…for sleeping, not sex.
Wow, only $40 for a room that I can’t use sink water to brush my teeth with on the account that I could get some kind of blood borne bacteria. Why don’t they just put that in their welcome brochure?
Alright, fellas, let’s get curbside.
For what?
Our ride.
Ride?
I called an actual house brothel, more low key place where we can drink some beers and hang out with some hot girls and get naked for $70.
Wow, the price for house hookers is a bit more.
Housebroken fee perhaps?
Curbside…
So do we need to hail a cab?
Hail, no. Heh, get it?
Oh we get it, Dale.
How are we getting to said house brothel?
They’re sending a driver.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…are you saying this flop house has shuttle service?
Indeed.
And we’re going to utilize it?
Sure, why not?
Yeah, man, relax, it’s gonna be fine.
Oh is this the part where you use the business model of Dominoes Pizza delivery guys now? But instead of them bringing the pizza to us, they’re taking us to the pizza? Are you two fucking profoundly retarded? You’re just going to trust some stranger, in Tijuana, to take us somewhere? What if we get kidnapped?
Well then I guess we’re about to find out.
How’s that?
Because he just pulled up.
Where?
Across the street in the black SUV.
Oh, awesome, those are the unofficial death cars of Mexico. Every pic you see of a cartel shoot-out has at least one mandatory black SUV…riddled with bullets, blood and bodies.
Let’s go, sissy.
Can I at least bring my beer so as to get drunk enough to warrant this bad decision?
Sure.
