Skyline Movie Review

SKYLINE is the epitome of a crap movie. It illustrates that yes, we’ve come to the end of the line here folks, it can’t get any worse. Sure, there’s a lot of eye candy. But just like real candy decays your teeth, this candy eats away at your mental capacity.

This flick rips off every movie in its genre and it burrows from Signs on two fronts. First the whole “water” concept and second, when you leave the movie you’ll be foaming at the mouth like Mel Gibson.

The basic rundown of the movie is as follows, and while I’m going to include the ending, it shouldn’t be referred to as a SPOILER so much as a WARNING about the movie’s outright ridiculousness.

Set in L.A., the story follows 4 young, hip industry people that are partying it up at a Marina Del Rey high rise. This part of the movie was the most believable because it shows what L.A. is best known for; The Douchebag Lifestyle.

The 4 malcontents pass out and wake up to a pretty blue light. The light is equivalent to an Angelfish’s bioluminescence which is used solely for the purpose of attracting it’s dinner. Thousands of Angelenos fall for the blue light special and get whisked away. Our 4 hero’s avoid the trap and decide to flee the city.

This doesn’t work out so well because there seems to be a merry band of interplanetary marauders terrorizing the city streets and contributing to horrible commute times. There’s giant monsters and evil octopus’s out sucking up old people, pissy people and the token black guy. No one is safe.

I’d say that judging by how bad the aliens fucked up the city and their disdain for it’s residents, they probably came here to vote for Meg Whitman, only they showed up about 8 days late.

ANYWAY…

The crew retreat’s back to the high rise and spend the next hour running around, hiding, screaming and blowing shit up while speaking in Spanish which I’m sure even our galactic invader’s were pissed to hear because they came to America to hear their victims scream in English god damn it.

Finally the body count is down to two. Boyfriend and girlfriend who is pregnant. Nothing is killing these invaders off, not even nukes, so they give in and go to the blue light in the sky.

Once in the ship, it’s clear that these E.T.’s are lousy housekeepers. The place is a mess and there’s corpses everywhere just like dust bunnies. Random humans get picked up and their brains are extracted and ran through a tube into the aliens hungry little mouths.

Now if the movie had any type of metaphorical merit, it was this scene. It reflected exactly what was happening to the audience, our brains were being sucked right the fuck out of our heads by way of a stupidity vacuum.

The boyfriend gets his brain sucked out but his is a Jedi brain and it overtakes one of the alien bodies enabling him to make an even bigger mess of the already trashed ship and caress his pregnant girlfriend with his alien claw.

And that’s where the movie (and my patience) abruptly ends.

If I had to conjecture on the story’s epilogue, I’d say that pregnant girlfriend and alien boyfriend went to go live in Johannesburg with that guy from District 9 since he has similar problems and they could probably be a good support unit for one another. And should you choose to see this movie, you’ll be needing a good support group afterwards as well.

0 Donkey Punches out of 5