A New Attitude

As most of you know I’ve been out of work for one day shy of a month. For those of you that are just now finding this out, well, we’re all caught up.

Most of my days are Bukowskian without all the sex with ugly chicks. I write and drink which is both bad and good depending on how drunk or sober one might be when judging the situation.

I haven’t bothered looking for work because I know nothings out there. But once in a while I still reply to the occasional want ad. Although I noticed that my reply is a lot different than in my younger days.

Back then I was adamant about trying to put my best foot forward and prove to a would be employer my absolute ductility and desirability in wanting to be another cow in a faceless herd only to end up the main course on some CEO’s dinner plate.

Things seem to be a bit different now. Below is the ad and my response.

Hi I'm looking for writers who are funny. Someone who can write quick short and hilarious material having to do with African American interest. I would love to meet as many writers as I can and read over some of your work. most of this content will be post on a celebrity blog that is very successful. -----meaning a lot of eyes on your work. Hey if your interested just reply to this email Attach a few pages of your work and I will be in contact. Office is located at the Hollywood Production Center so its local.

Here's my submission showing off my writing skills or lack thereof. It's a review of the movie Jennifer's Body and even though that has nothing to do with African Americans, in a way it does and this is why; Anything that has to do with white people and bad movies almost never involves African Americans. White people like to be terrible on their own accord if possible. It's true, just read your history book (preferably one that wasn't written by a white person...if you can find such a relic).

While I don't have a lot of dealings in African American culture, I did date a black woman for several months last year and I'm almost positive that she'll help me with any pitfalls I may experience along the way should you make the mistake of hiring me for the chump change you're probably paying for this gig.

Beings that I'm responding to this want ad late further solidifies that I'm a true writer because 1.) I have no sense of urgency. 2.) I just got internet at home and have spent the past 48 hours non stop on youporn & I've been drinking...heavily.

While this might be a red flag for you, I'd like to point out that my shrink told me that most writers spend their days being drunk, masturbating and procrastinating.

So even if you disagree with my self delusion that I'm a writer, you can't disagree with someone that not only has a degree, but also a lot of my money for telling me something my own mother went hoarse with rage from screaming at me during my entire adolescent years.

Anyway, I got off track, here's the review. No farm animals were hurt in the making of it, only shaved...