My Idea of Family (Guy) Time

INT. PETER’S CAR - DAY

Peter drives while Quagmire sits shotgun. 

         QUAGMIRE

       I’m telling you, Peter the 

       Last 15 minutes of The Human

       Centipede was just tasteless,

       really awful and nauseating.

         PETER

      Kinda like that imitation

      crab we had for dinner last night.

                             CUT TO:

INT. GRIFFIN DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The family sits around a dinner table full of food. In between Chris & Meg sit’s a giant crab with a plate and utensils set before him. He laughs hysterically & chomps on a cigar as the family looks upon him with disapproval.

        CRAB

     Okay, my next imitation is of

     a woman waking up during her abortion.

The crab leans back in his chair and props his legs, spread eagle, on the table.

       CRAB

     Ugh..what’s, what’s hap-

     Oh my gawd! There’s a vacuum

     shoved up inside me! Somebody help!

The crab convulses then squirts / shoots his tomalley out onto the dinner table. He waits for applause, only gets shocked silence. The Crab waits a beat.  

      CRAB

     Umm, anyone wanna eat that?

The entire family simultaneously throws up all over the table.

                                  CUT TO:

INT. PETER’S CAR - DAY

Peter has the look of distaste on his face. Quagmire looks intrigued.

     PETER

    Fuckin’ crab. Made us all

    sick

                                                  END SCENE.