Jennifer's Body

I was recently in my Netflix que and Jennifer’s Body was suggested for me. I became offended, wondering if there was THAT much evidence in the movies I watched that would suggest I’d request something as intuitively bad as Jennifer’s Body. The answer in one word is yes.

So it arrived and I popped it in with a less than eager audience of my girlfriend who surprisingly enjoyed the flick with me. Here’s why you may or may not like it yourself:

It’s written by Diablo Codi. Codi’s famous for writing a story about a pompous teenage girl who smokes a pipe, gets knocked up by a geek and has uncomfortable moments with Jason Bateman in the movie Juno.

Jennifer’s Body is about another pompous teenage girl that has tits the size of melons, a brain that would shame a mule and who ends up the human sacrifice of a satanic band looking for fame and fortune by way of a blood ritual to Beelzebub.

Things don’t go exactly as planned and young Jennifer ends up possessed as a bloodsucker.

The film also has the usual teenage elements thrown in such as school, social pressures, boys and lots of indie music that lives up to it’s reputation of totally sucking balls.

Jennifer is played by Megan Fox whose 15 minutes are down to a solid 4 ½. The movie has other actors that you couldn’t give two shits about.

The important thing here is Megan Fox. There’s even a scene with her making out with another girl (oh yeah!) but the other girl is a geek so it’s a total boner flop in the pool of retarded sexuality (oh no!).

But watching Fox exude eroticism, narcissism and gore tinged cruelty is enough to justify the 90 minutes of your life you won’t get back. I’m sure that in time this movie will be given the title Cult Classic. Which means you’ll watch it even though you know it’s going to suck.

Like I said, it was fun. I didn’t expect much and got exactly that in return. There were also some LOL moments in the film. The best being when the satanic band was getting ready to sacrifice Jennifer.

My only gripe is the dialogue’s lame attempt at trying to be ultra-cool. My girlfriend even asked “Do teens really talk like that?” at which I said “No, Diablo Codi just tries too hard to be cool with what she writes. Coming across as the over 40 divorce’ sleeping with her teenage daughter’s boyfriends so she can feel relevant“.

But it’s not supposed to be a serious movie so who cares? I watched it, liked it and wrote about it. That’s gotta count for something, even though I’m still trying to figure out what that something is.

If you want some slutty Megan Fox, humor, bad music, tense moments, awkward sex, violence and vampires then pick it up. It is Halloween after all.

2 Donkey Punches out of a possible 5.